For Better or For Worse — Week Two

AUGUST 13/14, 2022
For Better or For Worse

FIGHT FAIR!
Turning Conflict into
an Opportunity for Unity

Why do our instincts almost always
make conflict worse?

   1.   Personal Differences 
         Competing temperaments affect the way we handle conflict

   2.   Family Differences
         Conflict in our family of origin affects the way we handle conflict

   3.   Emotional Differences
         Our past traumas and trials effect the way we handle conflict

JAMES 4:1-3
1What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? 2You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have because you do not ask God. 3When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.

According to James, the two
causes of conflict are:

1. Deep “… desires that battle within you?”  (v. 1)

2. Unmet “You desire but do not have …”  (v. 2A)

These lead to three highly unsuccessful
emotional approaches to conflict:

1. people “… so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want ...”  (v. 2B)
2. Looking to the “You do not have because you do not ask God.”  (v. 2C)
3. Expectations based on a “… you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives …”  (v. 3A)

How can we go from
Emotional Conflict Resolution to
Biblical Conflict Resolution?

Five Great Questions:

1. Am I creating distance by using damaging words?
2. What do you want?
3. What do I want?
4. What will happen if I give them what they want? Is it biblical? Practical?
5. Should I ask God for this want?

The goal of effective conflict resolution is to:

• Honestly the insecurities
• the real wants

The goal of conflict resolution is not to:

• Find a (everyone has battles within and unmet wants)
• Referee whose version of is most accurate
• Change person

Answer Fill-Ins

Insecurity

Wants

Slandering

Wrong Source

Wrong Attitude

Uncover

Articulate

Clear Winner

Past Events

Every Hard-Hearted